What Sweet Mischief They Make!
by Raiden4019
Summary: Also called "Boredom" Hellsing's greatest enemy, is the LACK of an enemy. First fic, One-shot mainly for practice. Rated T for safety, and a slightly suggestive scene, but nothing to dirty I hope. Please offer full and detailed criticisms so that I may improve.


LONDON, HELLSING MANOR

11:35PM

It had been a relatively quiet day for the Hellsing Organization. In fact, the last several weeks had been completely devoid of any vampiric activity whatsoever. Not sight or sound of the Major or his vampiric forces had popped up for some time. Hellsing had, therefore, put every effort into tracking him down, even making a few back-alley deals with the Vatican to obtain any possible information on the demented midget's whereabouts. Ultimately, their efforts were fruitless; it had seemed that the Major had simply vanished into thin air. Integra had then diverted Hellsing's efforts to repairing, remaning and rearming the organization's equipment and personal. The next vampire attack would be imminent, and when it happened, Hellsing would be ready to heed the call to defend Queen and country, as it had for centuries.

A wasted effort, so it seemed. In the six weeks that had passed not one. Single. Vampire attack had occurred. Initially, the staff at Hellsing had welcomed the unplanned vacation, but after the third week, a dark, muscle-tensing, OCD stimulating feeling had begun to penetrate the halls of the organization and seep it's way into every soldier, mercenary, butler, police girl, knight, and vampire king: **boredom.**

Walter suddenly found himself becoming incredibly superficial in his cleaning of dust from every last corner of the building. This normally wouldn't be a problem, if not for his growing habit furiously dusting the same mantle piece over and over every time a single dust speck landed on it.

Most of the soldiers spent their time in the shooting range, or crowded in front of the telly to watch a Rugby game. The Wild Geese managed to take this a step further and got an actual game rolling, which was now starting to become a daily tradition amongst the men(or at least, it would be until the vamps started popping back up out of their holes).

Of all the members of the Hellsing Organization, Seras and Pip were having the easiest time driving off the spell of boredom that seemed determined to bring the shadow agency to it's knees. The two had become nearly inseparable for the past while, much to a certain No-Life King's frustration. Pip still hadn't managed to get his Migonette to do anything further to her then a passionate kiss, however, but he was more than willing to bide his time.

Integra had resorted to pacing up and down halls, and staring at the phone on her desk, furiously willing the damned thing to ring. The device remained ever defiant though, much to the former's chagrin. So she just sat there, waiting for something; a ghoul attack, a vampire uprising, the Major's next move, Iscariot harassment, a freaking trespasser alert, anything! She just wanted **something** to happen!

**BOOM!**

Midway between falling from her chair and ungracefully hitting the floor from the shockwaves of the earth shattering explosion, the Hellsing heir found herself reflecting on the age-old philosophy of being careful what you wished for.

Wasting no time, she immediately got herself back to her desk and hit a button on the desk phone.

"Walter! Status report! What's happening!?"

"I'm afraid to say I'm not entirely sure Sir Integra. There seems to have been an explosion in the lower sub-levels of the basement. I'm heading there now."

The old butler-veteran raced down the halls at speeds that would have seemed impossible for his age. He quickly descended to the basement, and beheld quite the sight; the walls that seperated the Black Arts Research room and the Bio-Chemical Laboratory and been completely obliterated. The rooms themselves hadn't faired much better, with broken equipment and the burnt pages of books and ancient tomes scattered all across the floor. A large fire was in the center of this scene of devastation.

Walter didn't even have to open his mouth to inquire the cause or culprit of this disaster. Standing not two feet from the blaze where the explosion had occurred stood a tall figure, dressed in a red coat with white gloves, hand extended as if he were holding something. where a black vest and white undershirt would have been was instead a charred mass of flesh and broken bones. The face of the figure had been completely burnt off. Walter watched as blood retreated back into the body, burns heal, skin regenerate, and clothes shadow-shift back to their original form.

Alucard turned to the now astounded Butler and, giving a toothy grin spoke up;

"Well, I bet none of you upstairs were expecting **THAT!**"

* * *

Alucard now found himself sitting in front of Hellsing's most valuable, with an assortment of looks being cast in his direction; Seras was alternating concerned looks between her master and Integra, half afraid that the latter would snap at any moment and simply decapitate him on the spot. Walter looked as though he was still trying to comprehend what he had just witnessed. Pip had a look that somehow managed to make him seem both curious and indifferent at the same time...and Integra's could only be described as one of barely contained fury. Despite the situation Alucard couldn't help but find all of this dreadfully amusing, and continued to wear his trademark smirk.

"So that's your explanation?" Sir Integra inquired.

"Yep."

"You found an ancient Chinese recipe for a portable sun-bomb..."

"Found."

"However, noting that it would only serve to stun more powerful vampires you sought about improving it for combat purposes..."

"Exactly."

"So you broke into the bio chemical room and proceded to mix into the **already unstable** formula: fourteen pounds of **syenthetic mercury, sodium, and napalm!?**"

"And from the results seen from the explosion I would say I'm on my way to discovering quite the powerful formula for future combat purposes." Alucard concluded, his maniacal smile growing even larger, showing off rows of sharp teeth. It was all Integra could do to keep the vein on her forehead from popping.

"Look," She began, pinching the brim of her nose as she did so, "I know these past few weeks have been uneventful. We've all had to deal with the mind numbing boredom, but that does **NOT ENTITLE YOU TO BLOW UP THE MANSION FOR YOU OWN ENTERTAINMENT!**"

"Oh, what's a few blown-up rooms in the in name of science?"

"**ALUCARD! **THOSE ROOMS CONTAINED CENTURIES WORTHS OF ANCIENT KNOWLEDGE, MOST OF WHICH HAS BEEN USED TO GIVE US EVERY ADVANTAGE POSSIBLE AGAINST THE UNDEAD** AND YOU JUST DESTROYED THEM!"**

**"**Well what else can I do, master? These past few weeks have been the conscious equivalent of when I was locked up in that basement by your father. At least when I was mummified I didn't have to consciously try to pass the time."

Integra sighed deeply. "I don't care what you do, just **don't** do anything that will cause harm to anyone or anything. Am I understood?"

Alucard's smile never left his face. "Perfectly, my master."

* * *

Alucard may have stopped blatantly destroying things to amuse himself, but that hardly meant he was being cooperative. Stunts that he pulled in the name of "entertainment" included: Hovering over his fledgling's face waiting for her to wake to give her a "surprise", briefly reversing gravity in a hall whilst Walter was cleaning and, taking full advantage of the psychic link he and Integra shared, filling the Hellsing heir's head with very...uncomfortable dreams. Integra had reprimanded him several times, and even threatened to seal him up again, but the thought of his dashing black hair and his rock hard abs...

"**ALUCAAAAAAAARD! KEEP YOUR DITCH-GUTTER OF A MIND TO YOURSELF AND LEAVE ME IN PEACE!**"

Whirling round, Integra drew her 9mm handgun and fired several rounds into her servant's head, which was currently partly phased through the ceiling behind her. Her servants smile never left his face as he quietly phased back to his room.

"Now, what shall I do to pass my time next?"

* * *

**Author's Note: And there you have it! My first fic on this site. Now this is only a oneshot, and will not continue because I have lost interest in this story. I think most of my work will consist primarily of one-shots, while I work on a longer Piece. With school back in session and Graduation at the end, I'm going to be really busy so I'll do what I can to keep my place on this site(Creative Writing and AP Lit in the same semester. AWESOME!). I have lots of crazy ideas brewing, and I'll be writing stories for multiple different animes(Primarily Hellsing and Rosario Vampire), but I'm open to other shows(I hear MLP fics are obligatory nowadays :3 ). Which brings me to the Following Challenge:**

**"The Crossover that Nobody Ever Wanted" Challenge! Basically, take two things that would and should NEVER in a MILLION YEARS be together, AND PUT THEM TOGETHER ANYWAY! Perfect example: MLP/Hellsing crossover(oh, I am an evil little bastard :3 ). Make it a trollfic, or a serious story, piss of fans, or get the glory! DO IT! I COMMAND YOU!(Before I find the time to do so)**


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